This Blue

                                 for Matisse’s Nude Male

Artist: Henri Matisse
b. December 31, 1869, Le Cateau, Picardy, France; d.  November 3, 1954, Nice.
Title:  Male Model
Date: 1900
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​I keep tracing the outline of this life
against my body
crucified      blue      ailing   
                chronic solitude   and a shoe box full of receipts
 
then I get older   taller    borrow   my father’s   beard
and take        deep deliberate breaths    while choking on undertones of brown   
 
 I fear this masculinity   may be a façade
And I fear my back      will begin to whisper
against my sorrow   against the wall
      I go to great lengths to protect   
 
this life                 where I am aching
this         ambiguity of                       shame and solitude
this life where
                I am paying the price of blue

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